Death

was in my head while I was eating breakfast this morning...
You would wonder why huh...
I was alone munching on food in my mouth to fill my stomach with no one to talk to....
then "Knock Knock" Death knocked on my brain and sat down and talked to me...

I am soon to be 21 years old...
You would think "What? 21 and you are thinking of dying already?"

People...
This is not a suicide note..
so don't get freaked out...

I have been thinking of death since the age of 14, I must say...
Well, you can't really ignore the dream who constantly come visit you at night....
and I was all dressed in white in a white room and I'm obviously dead...
And from the looks of it...
I didn't pass 30 when I'm lifeless...
and I'm 21 soon...
Get the drift...?

People tend to see their future...
How would you be in ten years time...?
What are you working as...?
When would you get married...?
Will you have children..?
Does having grandchildren makes you happy....?
And what nots...

You know what...
My mind...
Can't even look past my graduation...
It's like...
Once I graduate... and then people go...
Who's Ji San....?

Well... I'm not trying to be sad...
When I'm writing this I wasn't all sobbing and emo...
I'm perfectly fine...
Who wouldn't be when death is like part of your life for 6-7 whole years and maybe more in coming years...?

What I'm trying to say is...
I did ask myself...
If... I die right now...
Will I regret it....?

The answer came a resounding "No."

Then I think again...
Even if the last thing you said to mom was "Give me mua salary."
"Nope"
Even if the last thing you said to dad was "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."
"Nope"
Even if the last thing you said to your sisters was "You're annoying, get out..."
"Nope"
Even if the last thing you said to your friends....... was nothing at all...
"Nope"

my regrets and guilts are mostly VERY short lived...
I don't believe in living with regret..
and never had...
You can call me cold-hearted, I really don't mind...
I loved the people I needed loving...
I lived the life I needed living...
I did the things I needed doing...
Where is there to regret about..??


So....
I want to ask YOU a question now...
Will you regret if you die right now?